Oh my God, oh my God, please. Please let someone read it who gets it. Please let someone read what I wrote and say, “Wow, that is so [cool, right, inspiring, funny, ANYTHING.] Please let me not be just another asshat who is obsessed with being noticed, even though that is what it feels like I am. Please help me understand what it is I am doing or what it is I am supposed to be doing. Why do I keep feeling like putting words on a page? I mean, I am glad my mom and a couple of my long-suffering friends take the time to check in, but does this whole writing endeavor make sense? All this effort and angst for what? There is so much crap out there, God, have you SEEN all the crap out there? I don’t want to be putting out crap. I know I shouldn’t care about being liked, God, but then why did you build me so I care so MUCH about whether people like what I do or write? That is freakin’ mean, God. Harsh. To make me so insecure and so exhibitionistic at the same time, and then to wrap me up in the culture that says “If you can dream it you can achieve it,” but then make me so cynical that I know that is idiotic. Is this is a joke? Am I amusing you? I didn’t take you for snarky, Lord, but I am feeling like the dork stumbling past the cool kid’s table, and you are snorting milk out of your nose. OK, that’s not true. You wouldn’t laugh at me. But you are keeping some secrets and it sucks. I hate not understanding the direction or the point of this.
And that, right there, is the point. Understanding is my anchor; research and analysis is how I control my world. You want to be my anchor and want me to know that control is an illusion. Dude. I don’t have to like it, but I see your point. As always, God, oh my God, 1) help me, and 2) thanks.
wordtabulous 
P.S. Thanks, God, for helping me stumble across this blog that made me smile and introduced me to the word “asshat.”
🙂
I like what you do dear…you are honest and spontaneous from what I see…and yes, I understand all about hoping others like what you do..I suffer from that too..Lot’s of ups and downs with emotion when you are wired that way, no?
I hope your mom continues to do well.
Your honesty is refreshing. We all want to be known, and yet being known is often one of our greatest fears. Keep writing; your words found me.
Thank you!
As a long-suffering friend, let me say – writing is for the crazy, the impatient, the doubting, the argumentative, the insecure, the questioning, and the creative. If only the confident and sane were allowed to write, readers would have a lot less good stuff to read…
Amen!
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I feel this way sometimes too. It’s frustrating that God is omnipotent and omniscient, and I want Him to tell me more… all the time.
I just finished reading Job, and the ending of it always gets me because God points out to Job that He is the Creator of everything who knows and controls everything… which is a comfort, because He’s got my troubles under control. But it’s also frustrating because I don’t understand what He’s doing or why.
😦
I’m sorry.
No, it’s good! I struggle like this ALL the time, but there are very few who ever hear about it (thank you, treasured few who receive the venting!) I just thought I should disabuse anyone paying attention of the notion that I have got my act in one serene and righteous package. Thankfully God is patient and hasn’t smote(?) me yet for my irreverence–rather, he continues to illuminate the path, as promised. I am glad I am not the only one experiencing “understanding frustration,” and I appreciate your support!
I love you! I’m sorry you’re struggling, but I have to agree, it’s the struggle that makes the good stuff…. Journey not the destination? Blah, blah? I’m not the writer (unless it’s marketing fluff), that’s you! Have you looked at tumblr? Is that a good forum for feedback??? I have another friend who writes and I’m going to forward your blog to her. I think she’d enjoy it. She’s an accounting person and writes for fun and to share inspirational thoughts, so I think she’d enjoy your stuff. I know I do, even if I don’t always comment. Her blog is at http://amysmuddledmusings.blogspot.com/2011_09_01_archive.html
(I don’t often comment on hers either…)
LOVE!
— Mich
I know I might give off a confident and carefree vibe, but I am like this ALL THE TIME. I am also quite all right, just have to blow my top once in awhile. I have never used tumblr, but I’ll check it out. My few attempts at online feedback sites have been mixed, but I have seen some very entertaining feedback firestorms on them. I’ll check out your friend’s blog, it sounds interesting and thank you for referring me! It means a lot! Love back!
Lynnette, I nominated you for “The Most Versatile Blogger Award.” You are welcome to check it out by following the link back to my blog: http://kathrynleighaz.wordpress.com/2011/10/18/blogger-awards/
Niiiiiice! I hereby click “follow.”
OMG I am praying this blogger’s prayer right along with you. Do you read Anne Lamott? The last line reminded me of her. I have my few “faithfuls” that I can count on to at least give me a “like” if nothing else. If my mom fails to at least right, I’m “drinking gin straight out of the cat dish”, as Anne would say. Great work! Love the humor! I’ll enjoy this blog from here on out! – Amy (Michele’s friend/coworker/carpooler)
That is, if my mom fails to at least “like”…that’s what my fingers meant to type…
I have read Anne Lamott! She was one of my favorites, SO reassuring for sickos like me (us?). I wrote her three long fan letters because I was sure we needed to become friends, if not best friends, and she never replied so I stopped because even I could tell I was getting stalkerish. Thanks for the support!