Cat-tabulous is out of control. This is the conversation we’ve been having.
Cat: I LOVE this Christmas tree! Attacking the tree skirt is the greatest!
Me: What are you doing in there? Stop that!
Cat: heeheehee You can’t see me, but as soon as you leave the room I am going to ram that base so hard the whole tree will jingle! Merry Christmas!
Me: Bad kitty! What is wrong with you?
Me: *walking into the room* Hey! That’s my tea!
Cat: What? You were still drinking this? It’s getting pretty cold you know. Would it kill you to make me a cup, too? Have you thought about going herbal? You seem stressed.
Cat: You are throwing something into the recycling bin? I want to go out into the garage.
Me: Stay back, cat. You walk all over the vehicles, and you don’t like the garage anyway.
Cat: No, I really, really do! I LOVE the garage! I want to go out.
Me: Forget it.
Cat: You are going out to the garage? I want to go out to the garage.
Me: I’m just getting towels out of the dryer. Stop trying to trip me!
Cat: I want to go out to the garage.
Cat: You are going out to the garage? I want to go out to the garage!!
Me: *Throws garbage bag into can* FINE! Go out to the garage.
Cat: Yay! I am in the garage and very happy, you should have let me out here hours ago. I could spend my life out here.
Three minutes later,
Cat: *picking at the weather stripping with his claws* It’s booooring out here! Let me in!
Me: Stop that! Get in here, you turkey.
Cat: I don’t know why you get upset when all I am doing is enjoying these beautiful cat toys you hung at my eye level. BTW, this felt snowman? Tastes like chicken.
Me: No! I love the snowman!
Cat: I wonder what the felt mitten with the photo of your son in first grade tastes like?
Me: Gah! *moves all the felt ornaments to higher branches*
Cat: Why are you still wurrrrking? It is time for everyone to go to bed. Here, I am going to walk across you and nudge you with my slimy nose (don’t ask) and stomp on you with extra pointy feet until you give up and come to bed. It is in everyone’s best interest.
Me: Ow! Stop that! *Sigh* You are right, it’s late and I’m tired. Sleep will do us good. Let’s go cuddle.
Cat: Yay! You’re in bed! Listen, it’s dark and you can’t see me so well, so I am going to announce every move I make with that charming purr/meow noise you like. Prrow! I am standing next to you. Prrow! I am laying down by your side. Prrow! I don’t like this spot, maybe down by your ankles. Prrow! This is pretty good. Prrow! OMG, I forgot to bathe! I shall do so now, noisily. Prrow? Why are you so cranky? I’ll just move then. Prrow! See, I moved over here! *Silence* Prrow! Now I’m walking casually across the bed. I thought I’d find a spot to lay down, but I didn’t. Weird. I think I’ll just jump onto the floor instead. Listen to how loudly I can land! *Silence* Prrow!!HaulingAssAllTheWayAcrossTheBedNow-BetYouDidn’tSeeThatComing! Prrow? Sheeesh! What is your problem? I was just getting ready to get some shut-eye and you are all grabby and tense. Where are we going? The basement? You are so unreasonable. Hey, you know what the basement needs? A Christmas tree.
Perfect! Thanks for the chuckles.
Lookout, Joe! Grandma’s coming–more basement time than you are prepared for!
I don’t know why it is that my kids don’t believe that we (ladies of the Vallery ilk) understand cat talk. It’s plain as day! Mooch has much of the same cattitude as Joe, except instead of the garage he just wants food. “Feed me. See, I’m reminding you how precious I am as I rub my gorgeous, warm, purring self around your ankles as you walk. Although unbeknownst to you I plan to trip you if you don’t FEED MEEE!”
So unlike dogs. “I love you. Can you scratch a little behind the ears, please?”, “I love you, here, let me warm and protect your toes by laying on your feet.”, “I love you, I will sit on this side of you to protect you from THAT CAT!” . . . .
Love you too! Maybe I should get a dog.
Joe’s a cat; do I need to say more? Maybe I should throw a little something special for him in your Christmas box this year. Mwahahaha…
I’ll take you cat shopping next time – I’m good at picking out the ornery ones that bite and want to be left alone.
My kittens make ‘the noise’ chirp/meow/purr thing – so damn cute, except at 2 am when they want scratches and I’m sleeping.
wub every moment of the above conversation… especially the going to bed together part… there are 2 cats and one of me, so they team up against me all the time…. but I get soooooooooo lonely … me: “don’t you love me anymore? why are you gone?” cat 1 (Mama): “of course I do honey, I just have to get dirty so I can bathe again before sleep”… cat 2 (Mimi): “don’t worry Mom… I’ll be back once you’ve dozed off – and jump from floor to pillows to top of headboard, quietly” me: “wha’ whu’ what was that – sounded like a tornado” while still holding a karate position”… etc…
I love ’em to dearth… me: “I know I don’t snore… MAMA”…