After completing two trips to the high school and two trips to Target today, all before 9:30 a.m., I found myself in the car, singing, “This is just how I’d hoped my life would go!” I was being ironic. This kind of morning is not at all what I thought my life would be like, back when I was young and life was ripe with possibility. However, the experience did open my eyes a little. I have realized that what we need in this country right now is a musical devoted to the humorous and painful life of the at-home mom. I don’t have a title yet, but here are some titles for songs that I think would work:
Tears in the Dishwater
(When You Say Bland) You’d Better Mean Delicious
A Letter From the Teacher
A Small Dose of Prozac
There’s Poop Where?
Dog’s Haircut “What should I think, when the bill makes me blink, and I see the dog’s haircut cost more than mine?”
If God’s a Woman, She’s Got a Quirky Sense of Humor
I envision all music genres used here. “Tears” could be a ballad, “Chardonnay” kind of a boozy waltz. “Bland” I see as a powerful rock anthem. I keep hearing “A Spoonful of Sugar” when I think “A Small Dose of Prozac,” so it is good that I won’t be writing these songs myself; I’d only get into trouble. Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland and their Hollywood-cast pals would put on a show to raise money to save something or get something…I don’t know the details; that was before my time. My point is our musical could raise money, maybe for therapy! Or a retreat that moms on the edge could take turns in. I’m flexible. I’ll help with the writing and the set design, and I don’t think we’ll have to worry about refreshments; someone will bring cookies or muffins. Are you in? What job do you want?
If you’re allowing pet moms to participate, I will lend my songwriting abilities as well as my marketing and promotional experience. I sure as hell can’t be counted on to bring cookies or muffins, but if you need a keg of beer or cask of wine, I’m your girl!
Petmoms are QUITE welcome! Especially bearing gifts of alcohol, because we showmoms like to get our drink on early and often.
I’ll bring the Chardonnay. Is now a good time?
Bring it! We can brainstorm plotline and lyrics until we find a piano.
I’ll make costumes!!! And I’ll ask for Anne’s clam dip recipe–it’s great with chips and wine or beer. Don’t even THINK cookies! I spent 8 hours on cookies today! What’s the matter with me!!! Wouldn’t you think I’d know better at my age?! How old were they thinking when they suggested wisdom came with age?
As they say…Sometimes wisdom comes with age; sometimes age comes alone. 🙂 You are very wise, just maybe not about cookies? That would explain my own lack of cookie wisdom.